There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
