watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm both gender and math confused
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
