I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
