His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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