I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
