after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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