Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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