i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
