We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Did I show you my penis last night?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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