Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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