thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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