Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
