I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
