drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
nutella sex= disaster
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
