Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
did i walk over a car last night?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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