Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
