You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
