I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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