This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize