I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
