it wasn't lemon gatorade
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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