I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
