it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he was CRYING into my vagina
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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