i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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