brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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