I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize