dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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