dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
