can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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