with your own penis?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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