I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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