thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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