Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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