someone threw a dead crab at me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My bed smells like the plague
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
