I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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