Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
