his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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