I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
