im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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