okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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