what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
