Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the condom got lost in my hair
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
