remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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