so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Im part way to drunk.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
