no, he came in my armpit
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
