So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She told me I should be a condom model.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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