You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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