Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
