I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
