I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
