my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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