Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
