I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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