Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
