I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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