You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
