Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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