I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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