My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
