So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
