I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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