are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
