Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize