YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
