Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
