I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
