I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
