I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
