I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
