I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Watching her eat just hurts me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
