So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
