All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
