I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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