After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
