he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish you could order shots online.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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