I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
