My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
