I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
