I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
