Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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