went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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