this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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