There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Actions speak louder than pants.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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