I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize