HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
