So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
