I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
