Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Holy sore nipples Batman
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
