This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
