3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
