Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
