Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
