What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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