Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
