he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
